Common dolphin: who he is and how he lives


COMMON DOLPHIN

SCIENTIFIC CLASSIFICATION

Kingdom

:

Animalia

Phylum

:

Chordata

Subphylum

:

Vertebrata

Class

:

Mammalia

Order

:

Cetacea

Suborder

:

Odontoceti

Family

:

Delphinidae

Kind

:

Delphinus

Species

:

Delphinus delphis

(common short-beaked dolphin)

Species

:

Delphinus capensis

(common long-beaked dolphin)

Common name

: dolphin

GENERAL DATA

  • Body length: 2.0 - 2.5 m (males are slightly larger than females)
  • Weight: 100 - 130 kg
  • Lifespan: 35-40 years
  • Sexual maturity: 12 - 15 years in both male and female

HABITAT AND GEOGRAPHICAL DISTRIBUTION

The common dolphin, belonging to the genus Delphinus of the family Delphinidae, is a cetacean that lives practically in the waters of the whole world, from the Atlantic Ocean, to the Pacific Ocean, to the Indian Ocean; we find it in the Black Sea, in the Mediterranean Sea, in the Red Sea. Sometimes it follows the Gulf Stream to Norwegian waters. The only areas where it has not been spotted are the arctic waters.

Before 1994, only the species existed Delphinus delphis which was then divided into two distinct species: the Delphinus capensis characterized by a long beak (called long-beaked common dolphin), which prefers coastal areas and the Delphinus delphis with a shorter beak (called common short-beaked dolphin), which instead prefers open sea areas.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS

The physical characteristics of the two common dolphin species are identical except that the common dolphin short-beaked it is slightly larger than the species long-nosed and obviously the beak (or rostrum) is longer in the Delphinus capensis species than in the Delphinus delphis species.

The common dolphin has the typical tapered and slender shape of dolphins and despite being one of the smallest cetaceans (they are maximum 2.3 m long) together with some difocene species, it has great physical resistance, managing to cover more than 300 in two days km and traveling at a speed of 45 km / h when chasing prey (normally the cruising speed is 8-11 km / h).

They are very colorful dolphins with a dark brown or black back while the ventral part is white or cream colored.

They have a dark stripe that goes from the lower jaw to the pectoral fins which appear to be the same color as the back as well as the eyes always appear circled in the same color as the back. On the sides, on the other hand, there is a sort of hourglass-shaped design, which delimits yellow-ocher colored areas in the part closest to the head and dark in the caudal area.

The common dolphin has a triangular-shaped dorsal fin; the pectoral fins are quite developed and of the same color of the back as the caudal fin which remains arranged horizontally, as in most of the cetaceans and differently from what happens in fish.

In the upper part of the head there is the breather which is used to exhale and which is closed by the dolphin when it is submerged to prevent water from entering (through voluntary muscles).

CHARACTER, BEHAVIOR AND SOCIAL LIFE

The common dolphin is a very sociable animal and rarely lives alone but in groups that can be formed from 1,000 to 10,000 individuals.

Typically in the higher latitudes when the cold begins, all the females gather with their young to face the winter together. The males live separated from these large herds of females while remaining in the area and only approach when the good season arrives, for mating. Additional groups may consist of only pregnant females or only females nursing their young.

The common dolphin is a big playful, boisterous who enjoys jumping out of the water and following the waves.

His favorite pastimes are definitely the bow-riding that is to say run ahead of the bow of the boats (video below) or ride the waves like surfers and this for several hours in a row.

They are also very loving and caring animals and have a great sense of solidarity and group.

In large groups there are no dominant dolphins: the young learn from the older ones; the females take care not only of their own young but also of those of the other females; if a dolphin is sick and cannot swim and stay on the surface to breathe, it is helped by others, in short, a bit like in a big family where each adult individual takes care of the other.

In captivity it has been observed that when common dolphins are separated they tend to be less playful and downright sad. Furthermore, always in captivity, it has been seen that they tend to be shy and not easily treatable.

COMMUNICATION AND PERCEPTION

Common dolphins are very "talkative" animals in the sense that they communicate a lot with each other using various types of vocalizations that propagate underwater even over a long distance. It has been ascertained that basically there are two types of sounds: a type that is used to communicate in the group and therefore in the social sphere, a second type that is used for navigation and localization (echolocation).

In practice, they emit whistles, sound impulses with a more or less high volume depending on the different circumstances and modulated more or less quickly.

EATING HABITS

The common dolphin eats about 8-10 kg of shellfish (squid, octopus) and / or small fish (sardines, anchovies, hake, garfish) per day. They can eat both day and night.

A group of dolphins can organize real hunts, grouping the fish in order to pass through them with their mouths open or pushing them completely out of the water and then catching them in mid-air.

REPRODUCTION AND GROWTH OF THE SMALL

The common dolphin being a mammal gives birth to live babies. The mating between male and female takes place in spring or autumn, after a long playful courtship. The pregnancy lasts 11-12 months at the end of which a baby is normally born (but the birth of two, sometimes even three puppies is not uncommon) weighing about 7 kg and about 70 cm long.

Once the baby is born, it never moves away from its mother and always remains within a meter; it is suckled but, contrary to what happens in human infants who suck milk directly from the mother's breasts, in all aquatic mammals, therefore also in the common dolphin, it is the mother who sprays the milk directly into the baby's mouth. Common dolphin milk is six times more protein and fat than human milk thus allowing the young dolphin to gain weight much faster than a human infant during the first six months of life.

The puppy is nursed for about a year and a half even if already at the sixth month of life, the little one begins to eat solid food from time to time.

PREDATION

The common dolphin does not have many predators, only killer whales, can cause serious concern.


Note 1

STATE OF THE POPULATION

The Delphinus delphis (common short-beaked dolphin) is classified in the IUNC Red list (2009.1) among animals at low risk of extinction, LEAST CONCERN (LC). The species is widespread and abundant, although it should be emphasized that given its vast distribution, there are areas where the population is increasing and others where it is decreasing such as in the Mediterranean, particularly in the north of the Adriatic Sea. and in the eastern Ionian Sea.

In the Mediterranean Sea, the main causes of death seem to be derived from: accidental mortality due to trapping with fishing nets, whether they are pelagic trolling nets or nets used in the capture of tuna or fixed nets; shortage of prey due to overexploitation and environmental degradation; contamination with xenobiotic chemicals resulting in immunosuppression and reproductive failure; climate changes, such as the increase in water temperature which modifies the dynamics of ecosystems.

Recent surveys have shown that Moroccan fishing fleets kill 12,000 to 15,000 common dolphins for food each year in the Strait of Gibraltar.

The species are listed in Appendix I of CITES (Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Fauna and Flora) which includes endangered species and whose trade is permitted only in exceptional cases.

The Mediterranean population is mentioned in Annexes I and II of the CMS (Convention on Migratory Species).

The Delphinus capensis (common long-beaked dolphin) is classified in the IUNC Red list among animals DATA DEFICIENT (DD) that is, of which there is not enough information to express any observation regarding the state of the population. This is probably related to the fact that this dolphin was raised to a separate species only in 1994.


Note 1

SOCIAL, ECONOMIC AND ECOSYSTEM IMPORTANCE

The common dolphin, like all living beings, must be fed and the fact that it eats fish, about 10 kg of fish a day, is not appreciated in some areas of the world. In fact, it has been observed that off the coast of California, fishermen often catch and kill dolphins because they say they eat too many anchovies (about 300,000 tons per year).

The common dolphin is a species that interacts very well with humans and is always the main attraction of water parks.

CURIOSITY'

The common dolphin does not sleep with both eyes closed: first it closes one eye for about 5 - 10 minutes, then the other eye; within 24 hours each eye is closed for an average of 3 - 4 hours.

Note

(1) Non-copyrighted image: Courtesy Photo Credit NOAA


Katia Ricciarelli, stage name of Catiuscia Maria Stella Ricciarelli, was born in Rovigo on January 18, 1946. The soprano was born into a poor family: her mother, in fact, was abandoned by her husband who enrolled as a volunteer in the countryside. of Russia. Katia studied at the Benedetto Marcello Conservatory in Venice and made her debut in Mantua in 1969 with La bohéme. She has performed in major theaters in the world and since the 2000s she has also joined her career as an actress. She has worked in many TV and fiction films and has dedicated herself to musicals.

Katia Ricciarelli, after a long relationship of 13 years with the tenor Josè Carreras, in 1986 she married the TV presenter Pippo Baudo. The couple separated in 2004 and divorced three years later.


DALAI LAMA CURRENT: WHO IS

the fourteenth Dalai Lama, the current one, is Tenzin Gyatso.
Born on July 6, 1935 in Taktser a small village in the north east of Tibet.
Son of farmers, at the age of 2 he is recognized as the reincarnation of the thirteenth Dalai Lama.
At the age of 6 years, begins the path of monastic and political studies which will lead him to assume the role of the highest religious and political office in Tibet.
Kept isolated from the rest of the world, the future Dalai Lama immediately shows himself to be a diligent student and at the same time expresses a marked interest in the West who begins to get to know through friendship with the Austrian mountaineer Heinrich Harrer.
In 1950 China invaded Tibet militarily and the Dalai Lama was called to assume full political powers.
In 1954 to seek dialogue with China, goes to Beijing to meet Mao Zedong and other Chinese leaders, including Deng Xiaoping and Zhou Enlai.
Unfortunately, no solution is found.
In 1959 the Chinese troops carry out a brutal repression of the Tibetan riots in Lhasa killing monks and entire families.
The Dalai Lama is therefore forced to flee into exile and finds in the nascent Indian government an ally that welcomes him.
Since then, Tenzin Gyatso has resided in the mountains in northern India and over time has repeatedly sought a dialogue with China that could lead to the liberation of Tibet.
With his commitment, he managed to to turn the attention of the whole world to the Tibetan question.
Many things have changed since he was forced into exile in 1959.
The most "striking" one, which marked the main difference between the current Dalai Lama and his predecessors, is certainly the renunciation of political powers.
To date, in fact, the Dalai Lama is only the spiritual guide of Tibet, while there is a democratically elected government that always resides in exile in India.


We all agree that sympathy is one of the fundamental characteristics of a person, along with intelligence and beauty (and his bank account).

But in a world where, pronounced with the right accent, the words bello and crafty mean respectively «piece of ciospo» and «good fool», even the expression «he is nice» must arouse suspicion, if used in two particular contexts.

"What's that girl like?" - «Mah. is nice". In this case it is indicated, without the possibility of misunderstanding, that the aforementioned girl is hopelessly a toad., «Meet a friend of mine. He is an engineer, but he is likeable ». In this other case it is implicitly understood that the vast majority of engineers are total losers.

And in the collective imagination, indeed, the image of the engineer does not stand out for its brilliance. He is recognized as a genius and we trust him every time you take a plane, get on a cable car, pass over a viaduct or inside a tunnel. But on the list of people he'd like to spend an evening with, the engineer comes just ahead of the Milwaukee monster.

Moreover, it is the engineer himself who feeds this bad reputation and believes that the reputation of very boring attributed to his colleagues (not to himself, mind you) is entirely deserved. To the point that the quickest way to break into his heart is to tell him "you are an atypical engineer".

But is it all true? Are engineers really boring fanatics of hydrodynamic propulsion engines, or under the rude bark of civilians, electrical, mechanical, nuclear and whatever else are hiding some cheerful funny guys? And how does knowing how to solve a fourth degree differential equation help them in everyday life?

WHEN I WAS A CHILD
Are engineers born or made? Neither one nor the other. What matters is being born into a family of the series "my son will be an engineer and I will do everything to make that happen". Apparently similar to his peers, therefore, at a careful glance the predestined child is recognizable by some details.

The name.
The obvious observation that no "Gigi" or "Pino" will ever be an important business executive means that the prudent parent even plans the name of the unborn child, which is not chosen from the list of Saints, but from that of Nobel laureates. . The louder the name and the more important the character, the higher the expectations of the parents.

The education
It is a fundamental part of the "son engineer" project and one of the most difficult to carry out. It is a question of making a career as a designer at Fiat appear interesting and tempting. A propaganda work that, in terms of fantasy, surpasses that of the launch of a new version of Windows.

The tactic is simple: it is a matter of incensing Engineering and at the same time throwing mud on all the other faculties and professions, with phrases such as:
"Look how robust and tall that gentleman is, Elvio is certainly an engineer."
"Give a hundred lire to that graduate in political science who begs, Odoacer."
«Uuuh, Rinaldo, look how cute that little girl is. When she grows up she will surely become the wife of an engineer. ".
«Aleramo, be good, otherwise I'll call the plumber! ".

Within the home, only appropriately modified fairy tales will be read: Snow White and the Seven Mining Engineers, Little Red Riding Hood and the Bad Philosopher, Tom Thumb (with the rector of Letters in the part of the Ogre). The most diabolical fathers will also come to dub films and the child will grow up with Engineer Rambo as a hero.

Games
While normal children fight with toy soldiers, the engineer at the age of two has already received a 20 kg pack of Lego, the Meccano, the Little Chemist and had to sign a declaration in which he undertakes, before request other gifts, find the melting point of the pond and build a 1:10 scale replica of the Brooklyn Bridge. And if he really manages to convince his parents to give him a doll, he will find himself the only child in the company playing with "Big Jim designer", in a suit and tie and 24 hours in faux leather.

Nowadays the shape changes, but the substance remains, no Lego or Big jim, therefore. But when all children play video games with Lara Croft or Fifa 2000, the engineer spends his hours on the computer "having fun" with Autocad 14.

How to save yourself
If your name is Rubbia (by name), if in the version of the Titanic that you have seen it was the fault of a very bad architect who had sabotaged the otherwise magnificent plan of Eng. Di Caprio and if last Christmas they gave you a technigrafò, you are in bad shape. The only solution is to take out mom and dad. After all, the fact that they have deliberately decided to make you lose 5 diopters and half of your hair by the age of 24, and to have you spend the rest of your life designing camshafts, will certainly be a mitigating factor in case you get caught.

But be careful: first think about how to put your purpose into practice. If you come up with heinous solutions, move on. But if you think of connecting a rocker arm to the door handle of the living room which, engaging in a toroid, generates an electromagnetic pulse that sends a radio-controlled signal to a mechanical arm that acts on the trigger of a sniper rifle.

If you think all this, forget it: the engineering work has been completed and there is nothing more to be done.

THE UNIVERSITY'
For the predestined, enrollment at the Polytechnic represents only a bureaucratic act, a trivial action the result of which will be the formal recognition, by the State, of his being an engineer. Which, moreover, he knew very well that he was already from birth.
Therefore the choice of the faculty is not the result of anxious doubts and sleepless nights spent leafing through the study plans of all Italian universities, from Heraldry to Zoology. No, going to university is something he already knows how to do, genetically, like dimensioning a flowmeter or calculating the Neperian logarithm of 3.

But not all students enrolled in the first year of Engineering have the strength of their chromosomes on theirs.

There are those who do it as a precise choice to enter the world of work more easily (only to discover, once graduated, that the statistics were wrong, and that it would have been much more convenient to enroll in Geology or, better still, to take a course parquettist).
There are those who do it because in high school they had 8 in mathematics and physics and who because, in the same subjects, they had 4, but “it was all the fault of the professors who did not know how to value my scientific side. I'll show him who was right. ". Average length of stay at the faculty: 3 weeks, 1 month maximum, if there is some nice classmate (highly unlikely event).

And, speaking of cute companions, there is no shortage of inscriptions dictated by the heart rather than by reason:
“My boyfriend is also enrolled in Engineering. So we will attend the same lessons and study together and we will see each other all day ”(For couples in love and / or psychopaths).
"My boyfriend has enrolled in Economics, and the Engineering campus is the furthest away" (For couples who are already a little less in love).
"My boyfriend is in the second year of Engineering: at least I won't have to buy books" (Couple who has nothing more to say to each other or Genoese couple).

Analysis
Never a name was more appropriate: there are countless aspiring engineers who end up in analysis after the 12 'attempt to pass the exam. And in fact this exam is one of the biggest watersheds of the degree course: those who manage to pass it only at the 10th attempt will lose nights of sleep, lose weight and lose their hair. Whoever passes it to the first, on the other hand, will lose his friends: envy is a very ugly beast.
In both cases, taking the Analysis 1 exam has something epic, it's a bit like a great battle, everyone has their slice of more or less grotesque anecdotes to tell. And, like great battles, Analysis 1 also has its heroes.

Think of Ciccio (not a great name for an engineer, but so much so.) Who, after months of careful preparation, shows up to take the exam, greeting his friends with the cry of «I have studied everything. The only thing I really don't know is Lagrange's two theorems. I did not understand anything".

Professor: «Good morning».
Ciccio: «Buongiomo».
Professor: «So. what could I ask you. show me Lagrange's theorem ».
The common man would start screaming, stammering pathetic apologies or whining on the tone "I swear it's the only thing I haven't studied, ask me another question, please. ".
But Ciccio is a hero and faces death by looking into her eyes:
"Which? The first or the second? ".
"The first".

At this point the audience is conquered and follows the story with bated breath, hoping for a miracle. Ciccio has already entered the myth and, if he yielded, we would understand it. But he doesn't. Prolong the agony and fight to the last.

"Actually, I didn't do the First."
"It does not matter. Show me the second as well. "
“I didn't even do the second one. I go? ".
"Go."

Applause and pats on the back.

Ciccio is also the perfect example of another class of undergraduates: the unfortunate one. The one they will always ask the only part that hasn't studied 0, if he has studied everything, the one who has understood a little less or, if he has understood everything, something that is not in the program or that has not even been demonstrated yet.
For this reason, at the next appeal, the combative Cicci prepare themselves more and more meticulously, coming to call Lagrange's great-grandchildren, to ask if by chance their great-great-grandfather did not have a third theorem jealously guarded in the drawer (the probable answer will be: actually yes , we sold it yesterday to an engineering professor, he said he would use it for an exam.)

In the end, however, tired of fighting, the Cicci of all the sections of Engineering will bow to fate, accept any vote in order to put an end to the ordeal and will graduate with an undeserved average of 22.

Building science
An experience common to all degree courses, it is considered by professors and by a certain category of students as a fundamental exam for the graduate student's training. Instead, it is a horrible brick according to other students, those who have a life.

The subject taught varies according to the degree program, as does the teacher. Nevertheless, some peculiarities are transversally manifested in all sections, from Electronics to Management:

> the professor is 80 years old, has a strange name and has been repeating the same lesson, word for word, on the same days and at the same time for 35 years. Slight contraindication: the latest discoveries of science and technology are a little "neglected" and the professor, in the lecture on February 12, hopes for the advent of a faster calculation tool than the still very useful ruler.
> there is no book to study on. Or there are 12, from which to take bites and bites. Or there is only one, but it is in German, handwritten with indecipherable handwriting.
> the exam begins with the sentence «I'll ask you something easy. And ends with the student in tears, having reached the lowest level of his self-esteem.

Contrary to Analysis, Construction Science is an exam that is passed to the first. The variable, in this case, is the time needed to prepare and to pass the script. And it is a very variable variable: it ranges from three weeks (the son of the rector) to a few years.

In addition, it is a lethal exam for the following ones, because in any case it causes decomposed reactions of the professors and three typical phrases:

> For those who have just passed it by a hair: «Eh, but she only took me 18 of Science, I certainly can't give her more. What would we look like? ».
> For those who spent it great: «But how? You take me 30 of Construction Science and tell me you don't know Xrebohjhrtevic's theory? But did you or one of your double pass it? ».
> For those who have not yet supported it: «But how? You haven't passed Science to me yet and will you come here to see me? '

The last case is the worst, because at this point the poor student also has to put up with a bold metaphor, different according to the section:
> (Civil) "Do you want to build the roof before having laid the foundations?".
> (Mechanics) "Do you want to design the windshield wiper before having sized the motor?".
> (Chemistry) "You want to make tin react with uranium and instead use plutonium?" (metaphor that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest, chemists are strange people).

The last exam
The passage of time in Engineering is marked by the lengthening of the names of the exams. We move from Physics to Rational Mechanics (a strange name that implies the existence of an Irrational Mechanics) to Mechanics Applied to Machines. And the last exam, therefore, is usually called "Fusion Nuclear Reactor Engineering", "Static Kinetics of Industrial Chemical Processes" or "Principles and Methodologies of Mechanical Design".

The first part of the course, the more complex one, consists in learning the name by heart.
The second part is a test of courage and imagination: it is a question of presenting oneself to the exam knowing as little as possible and of inventing the most absurd excuse to justify one's total lack of preparation.
As proof of the level of psychic obscurity reached, the graduate not only pretends to pass the last exam without even knowing what you are talking about, but if he takes less than 28 he complains as well.
On the other hand, applied in everyday life, the reasoning is not completely far-fetched: at the bar, for example, after twenty-eight beers one can hope that at least the twenty-ninth will be offered by the house.

Thesis
It is a kind of theatrical representation of the life to come, of the engineer's impact, now imminent, with the world of work. As such, the first months of the thesis are spent in the most absolute inactivity (representation of unemployment). Then to play Tetris with the powerful computer purchased to write the thesis (training period). Then we throw ourselves into the drafting of the actual thesis, with the enthusiasm of the new employee.

A few months later, from this titanic effort an unmissable work of 600 pages will come out, very interesting starting from the title: Influence of shot peening on the fatigue resistance of a metal matrix composite. After spending nine hundred thousand lire between photocopies and binding, the quasi ing. he starts proudly in the secretariat, delivering the thesis one week before the deadline, "so they will have time to read it more carefully".

The bearded man will see that his precious work will be placed in a white plastic bell with the strange writing "Solo Carta" and he will be given a form asking him to explain the title and content of the thesis in three lines. Three! Being able to condense six months of research into three lines is an undertaking that deserves an honorary degree in Literature. Given the length of the titles, among other things, we end up writing things like this:

Title: Analysis of the feasibility of the noise pollution containment project in the immediate vicinity of Malpensa 2000 Airport, through the installation of sound-absorbing barriers in laminated silicate. Content: Feasible ». After that, 10 minutes of speech with a more powerful effect than a liter of valium and the engineer is finally such. His destiny is fulfilled.

LOOK FOR WORK
Uh uh uh uh aha: illusion
Senior year of high school. And May. Maturity and mature age are upon us. There is the exam and after. the life. To prepare for high school, just study. But how to prepare for life? Nothing better than a nice session of «Preparatory meetings for the great choices in life. How to understand which is the right faculty ». Today is the turn of engineering. A very convinced top manager in the audience sits and thinks very skeptical and not very interested young people get up and speak.

Convinced Top Manager: «Good morning guys. I see you well ».
Skeptical Boy: (good, you chose the right glasses).
“You are young and it is right that you are carefree now. ". (Actually I am making it to myself at the thought of maturity).
"But you must also think about the future". (I think about it all right: let's hope they don't ask me for Dante).
"And the future in your case is called study." (But! 3 years of kindergarten, 5 of elementary school, 3 of middle school, 5 - fingers crossed - of high school and my future "is called study"? What a fantasy!)
«I am here to show you the merits of choosing Engineering. And in order not to be too abstract, I will illustrate the stages of my personal journey ».

(Well, good, tell me what I must not do in order not to become like you.)

This is followed by 40 minutes of "stages", during which we talk about everything except money. But the Top still suggests that you earn a lot of money and, miracle, many skeptics begin to change their minds and ask themselves:
"But will it be easy to find a job? ".
“You may be wondering if it is easy to find a job. Well, let me tell you something: it's like finding a woman for a rock star! I assure you, guys: other than graduation, other than fifth year, by the fourth year you will have the best Italian companies at the door that will beg you to go to them.

“We are hungry for engineers. To burn the times I had almost thought of bringing contracts today. So guys indeed, Engineers, please: hurry. We need you ».

Four years later, the former skeptical student, now a staunch aspiring top manager, will come up with phrases like:
“Mom, today I enrolled in the fourth year. If Agnelli comes by, tell him I'm busy, I have to study, if anything. I recall him. Indeed, do you know what I do? I unplug the phone, so they leave me alone. '

After another abundant year, exalted by the degree he has just obtained and still in the wake of the illusion of "a preparatory meeting", the new engineer does not even mention looking for a job. He sits blissfully waiting for the job to look for him.
After a month of absolute silence he has a brilliant intuition: they are not looking for him because no one yet knows about his degree, the big move therefore consists in calling Telecom to add an "Ing." in front of his name in the list.

After another month spent in general indifference, he begins to suspect that the phone is broken, he buys a cell phone and occasionally calls himself to see if the home phone still works.

The first curricula
In the third month, being a smart guy, the engineer realizes that he has been taken for a ride and actively begins to look for work, sending three highly targeted CVs: one to NASA, one to the Nobel Foundation and one to "Punzonatrici Rossi & Figli", a company with three employees and an annual turnover of 42 million but with excellent practical - logistic characteristics (it is twenty meters from home).

The ads in the newspaper
The next phase is that of the purchase and feverish consultation of «Repubblica» on Thursdays and of «Corriere» on Fridays. If he was still under the illusion of being an ordinary person and being able to do a normal job, reading the classifieds removes all residual hope from the new engineer.

It goes from requesting a. «Seníor Customer Engineer, with at least 4 years experience in specialized support to large customers in Mission Critical environments on highly complex networks. Customer Satisfaction preparation is also required >>

. to the more informal, frivolous announcement, almost an invitation to the disco: «Our client is the branch of a powerful multinational. Their punching, laser and bending machines for sheet metal work are splendid. We are looking for a somewhat special Project Manager who will bring a bit of experience sucked into an engineering, plant or design company ».

Apart from the obvious consideration that anyone who has thought of these ads (all true suffer from serious mental disorders, there is another mysterious peculiarity: in those read by the recent graduate, someone with at least 2 years of experience is always sought, while those who want to change jobs (and who wouldn't want it, after a few years spent in the company of "splendid punching machines"?) he finds nothing but requests for recent graduates.

Other curricula
The third and final stage is that of total disillusionment or "chicojocojo" (named after a famous Japanese knife thrower): sending out a burst of resumes.
And an escalation: the first week is 50, then 100, 200, 400 and so on, to the point that the first year of salary will only cover postage.
Four responses are sent to the 700 letters sent: three are variations on the theme «We thank you for your interest and, if the elephants flew, we would consider your proposal. Do not write to us ever again! ».

The fourth letter, miraculously, is an invitation to an interview.

The interview
It is a clash of the titans. The king of the devious question versus the prince of the hypocritical answer. On the one hand we begin with "Why did you choose jenningsen Technology?", On the other you think: "Because, of all the letters sent completely at random, you are the only fool who answered me" but you reply: " I'll tell you, working in the broaching field has always been my great dream ».
"Tell us one of your flaws" "I tend to be too precise and I let myself be overly caught up in my work." “We are looking for a person with a strong personality. ". "I don't let anyone put my feet on my head."
«. but who also knows how to work in a team and recognize the authority of his superiors ». "Yes, sir! ". "Do you like traveling?" "A lot and I think being able to travel for work is a great privilege." "Too bad, because the place of work will be in the Milanese hinterland". «For years I have wanted to have the opportunity to deepen my knowledge of Rozzano. In my view, a little Paris ». «Given the particular moment, the salary that we can offer you for an initial period, let's say for the first ten years, will not be very high». "The important thing is to have the opportunity to gain experience in a company like yours." This is the magic phrase. Maximum flexibility and minimum cost: the engineer has found a job. Out one. For our prime minister, whether Berlusconi or D'Alema, it is now a question of assigning only another 999,999.

TYPICAL WORKS
When you hear "Yesterday I met a nice guy who works as a banker", you don't answer "Ah, what's your job?" (unless you want to pass for idiots). A banker works in a bank.
Likewise a photographer photographs, a teacher teaches and a journalist writes articles in the newspaper.
A doctor may have different specializations, but he will still take care of people.
And an engineer? What does an engineer do? Its possible uses are such and different from each other that answering the question "what work do you do?" with "engineer" is like describing Bruno Vespa by saying that "he belongs to the human race".

Here is a brief guide to untangle the intricacies of the profession.

Network analyst
He is not Ronaldo's psychiatrist, but one of the most popular professions in the field of information technology. One of the few well-paid engineering jobs, by the way. The analyst spends his time attending refresher courses in which he learns to use programs which, once the course is finished, will already be obsolete.
He keeps his first floppy disk (one of the big ones) hanging on a wall and, in the evenings in front of the fireplace, he re-reads the University's notes with a feeling of sadness, with the predictions of his prof. of computer science regarding the "need to have a hard disk of at least 20 Mb".

Analyst & Production management consultant
That of the Consultant is not a job. It's a job. And the engineer is not chosen because his skills are adapted to the needs of the market, but because his skills adapt to the needs of the market, as explained to him when hired by a very tanned Head of Personal & Human Resources, generally named Rudy.

During the first month, the new employee remains on the threshold of "zero productivity", spending time attending courses in which Rudy indoctrinates him on the history of the company, on the mission and vision of the employees and on the company motto, usually up or out, perform or out or similar.
Subsequently, its real productivity remains anchored to zero, but the fictitious one (on which it invoices) soars exponentially. In fact, that of the consultant is a useless job which consists in making an entrepreneur with thirty years of experience believe that he needs the "advice" of a kid of twenty-five.

The career of the rightly motivated engineer will be lightning fast: started as Junior Assistant Consultant, after two years he will become Assistant Consultant and in two other Senior Assistant Consultants.

Then Consultant, Senior Consultant, Consultant +, Consultant with honors, Consultant Doppio Malto.

After 43 years he will become Manager and then Partner and finally someone will explain to him what the hell of a job he has done until then.

The commercial
And the one who responds to advertisements in which a Sales Manager is sought. Work in the sales department of a company that is leader in something somewhere in the Universe. It is right that, in addition to accountants and economics graduates, the marketing department also employs an engineer: nothing better than a specialized technician to interface with customers and have relationships with them with the power of knowledge from their own. Unfortunately, after a few years away from the machinery, the engineer de-engineering and his job becomes: answering the customer's phone call, listening to his question, rummaging through his technical baggage, finding nothing, saying: "Wait online for me to pass you the technical office ".

Over time, the salesman improves his interfacing skills more and more until the day when he puts on a skirt and decides to be called Cinzia, becoming fully aware of his identity as a switchboard operator.

The PhD student
The ambush, the one who has understood what kind of work engineers do and empty escape at all costs to that sad fate, giving himself to university teaching.
For this purpose, he joins one of the many barons with a professorship, becoming his assistant. This earned him the assignment of important tasks, such as carrying the professor's scholarship, opening the door to him when he passes by and repainting his study, a task reserved only for a select few. As a consolation he is allowed to take part in the exams. The night before she spends sleeplessly planning every possible wickedness, happy for the chance to take revenge for all those unjust 30 granted to her classmates with a little short skirt. It goes without saying that, from the piece of bread he is, all the students try to be questioned by him and that, at the sight of the first ankle, he is 30 and praise for all.

The engineer
Dark and very serious figure, surrounded by an aura of mystery and awe, holds in his hands the absolute power concerning one of the most important tests of our life: that of the driving license.
It is a character that raises disturbing questions, which contribute to reinforcing the myth of the engineer in the broad sense: first of all, why is he called "Engineer"? Do you need a degree to understand that if someone goes wrong it is better not to give them a driving license? And if there really is a need, why the one in engineering? Do engineers drive much better than architects? Or lawyers?

Construction engineer
The one who, of all his colleagues, has the most contact with reality.

Not too much, however, given that on the construction site the engineer is given the same treatment that is adopted with the pain in the ass grandfather who still believes himself to be the head of the family. He walks around the building site, giving directions and it's all a "Good morning engineer, sure engineer, it will be done, yes sir engineer." Half a second after he's gone, you forget about him and his orders and get back to work in earnest.

The high point is when it comes to performing vital calculations for the continuation of the work. The construction site is at a standstill, anxiously awaiting. Eng. consult the manual, notes and his mental resources.

He fumbles with a hundred tools and issues the verdict: here we need a 25.7 mm diameter beam. And it is true. The 25.7 beam is perfect for the purpose. Indeed, it would be, if it were not for the small detail that the 25.7 beams do not exist. But the engineer does not care, it is not his problem if the beam producers do not take into account the needs of the yard. He has shown the right path, it is up to others to find a way to follow it. If it were up to him, they could also order a bespoke stock and if the project costs were to double, patience. What is money, compared to the perfection of a reinforced concrete pylon? To resolve the impasse, the elderly worker arrives who takes a look at the papers and throws a "it's true." But even those of 26 (existing) are fine ».

Flow meter designer
That is the embodiment of sadness.
Place of work: family-run factory, owned by the father-in-law, in the extreme outskirts of any northern Italian hinterland, far from everything but a "convenient highway". In short, the Italian economic miracle.
Objective: to design and guarantee the technological evolution of a small device as big as a cent coin, which will be inserted into a rubber fitting for plastic pipes, the company's flagship product and the pride of the founding great-grandfather.
The designer stands out from other engineers because when asked "What do you do?", Instead of answering "engineer" and glossing over time with a comment, he embraces his interlocutor and bursts into uncontrollable tears.

Quality control manager
One of the most fashionable jobs lately. Meanwhile, it is good to clarify that "quality" in this case is a technical term, which has nothing to do with "well done".
The quality we are talking about, in fact, refers to the production process of the company and not to the final product.
To be a quality company, the production line must be organized in such a way that the finished product, let's say an engine, taken on any given day is identical identical to the engine produced two months later. Nobody says anything about the quality of the engine itself.

In practice, a company that produces a lousy engine will be able to define itself as quality if, over time, it will produce engines that are always equally lousy. If, on the other hand, from time to time he does have a good one, well, it would be a signal that something is wrong.

The task of the Quality Control Engineer is to ensure that this does not happen.

Bead braider
Yes just like this. Or the stand-up comedian, the wood carver and all the other classic "blown up" professions. If at first glance this arouses amazement and indignation ("Her son was an engineer and now teaches elephants in Indonesia. Where are we going to end up!"), Examining the jobs listed above and trying to step into the shoes of those who made for real you can understand how, after a decade of "product awareness implementation", the lure of a new life as a passion fruit grower can become irresistible.

The House
The house is an example of technology applied to order and cleanliness. Everything is always shiny and working the clocks break the minute, the toilet paper roll is always at the beginning, the bulbs never burn out and in any case there is a whole spare set. The TV is tuned to the millimeter, the pantry is always full and the doors have never creaked in the last 20 years.
All this thanks to the tireless work of the landlord: the wife of the engineer (the mother, for the unmarried). As he is precise and meticulous at work, in fact, the engineer is also clumsy in household chores.

It is not that the engineer is the typical husband who sits on his stomach watching his wife work, far from it: of the two he is the most active in housework. The problem is a dramatic lack of a sense of priority. Is the faucet leaking? Of course, it is a nuisance, but first you have to finish installing the automatic watering system in the garden. Has the grandfather clock been stopped for a month? It is a problem, yes, but it will be definitively resolved the day the satellite connection project between the living room TV and a camera specially aimed at Big Ben ends.

Anyone who believes that living with a technical genius is still an advantage, should know that in the engineer's house objects are divided into two classes: objects that need to be repaired and objects that work perfectly but that, "with a small modification" , they might work even better. It goes without saying that these items, after the upgrade, will fall into the first class.
The engineer who uses his notions for useful work is a rare and spectacular phenomenon of nature like a northern lights and, moreover, suspicious. The wife who, returning home, will see her husband intent on fixing the boiler (although the device to open the shutters while in bed is still to be finished) will not rejoice, but will face him by asking: «Come on, confess! What do you have to be forgiven? ».

The wife
Paraphrasing a well-known proverb, the saying “Did you want the bicycle? And now don't pedal, because your husband has been studying a modification for six months that will allow you to inflate the tires by ringing the bell ».
Although having married an engineer denotes a strong masochistic streak, one cannot help but pity the poor woman when, asking her husband "Did you see where the gas lighter is?", You hear an answer: do you mean the piezoelectric actuator? " . An adorable moment of revenge gets it in those cases (far from rare) in which even the omniscience of her husband can do nothing: when the car breaks down, she relaxes on the seat, witnesses his unsuccessful attempts and, calling the wagon tools, with undisguised satisfaction dismisses him with "thank goodness I married an engineer."

In spite of everything, her husband's clumsiness in everyday affairs ignites in her the highest maternal instincts and it is in fact with self-denial and mammary enthusiasm that she takes care of her husband's relations with the outside world.
And she who, tirelessly, tries to explain to him that there is nothing wrong with going to the construction site with two identical socks and that even if they even recalled the shirt, the overpass would be good all the same.

She is the one who manages to feign enthusiasm on vacation when he proposes to her: «Dear, how about making that little detour I was talking about? You know, there is the largest hydroelectric power plant in Southeast Asia, it would be a shame to be only 400km away and miss it. ".
And she who, with indomitable courage, climbs without batting an eyelid on the last plane designed by her husband, despite the mess she made the last time she tried to install the satellite dish.
And it is with true pride as a mother who, when asked about her husband's profession, will always answer "he is an engineer", whether he works as a researcher in a nuclear physics institute or sells hearing aids door to door.

Children
Two. Always. It will be for the awareness of being a person out of the ordinary, for the pressure deriving from the expectations of society or for who knows what other psychological reason, the fact is that the engineer has a strong drive towards normality. As soon as he can, he directs his thoughts and actions in search of a conformity to the mass that makes him feel one of many. His ideal is to be tall enough, but not tall enough to pop out of the crowd, to have some bacon without being fat, to live in a comfortable house that is neither a palace nor a hovel, and so on. This desperate search for the "media" is accompanied, by professional deformation, with the careful planning of one's own existential path.

And, coming to the point, the engineer plans everything, even the number of children. Two days after the wedding, while his wife is leafing through the maternity catalogs, wondering how many and which children will be in store for her, the engineer gets the latest Istat "birth report" delivered home, tears open the package, opens the tome and, terror, dismay and despair, the law that the Italian family has, on average, 1.73 children.

What to do?
After a first moment of despair, in which he swears at the pig destiny that prevents him from being average, he takes the calculator and discovers that, if he were to have two children, the Italian average would rise to 1.73000001666. "Go for two," he then says to his wife, simulating serenity. But the truth is that he will never be able to really love that extra 0.27 of the second child, roughly corresponding to the piece of leg between foot and knee. "Dad, I broke my shin," says the second son, calling from the football field. "It fits you well, so you learn to spoil the media," Dad thinks, as he rushes to take him to the hospital.

The unshakable certainty that the engineer must always and in any case have two children can also lead to interesting practical considerations:
> Are you going to marry an engineer? Choose a house suitable for a family of four.
> Are you the only child of an engineer? There's a little sister on the way, even if you're 37.
> Are you the third child in a family with an engineer dad? Now you know why your parents and two brothers are dark-haired while you are blond.

Having established the number of children, we now come to their qualities:

> One of the two is good, handsome and kind, he replies politely, gives way to the old ladies and is the clear heir of his father's intellectual faculties: at 3 years old he solves third degree equations, at 12 he goes to "anticipations" of mathematics, at 24 he graduated perfectly in progress and began an honest professional career. In short, two balls.
> The other is a punk guitarist. A rebellious son par excellence, he tries in every way to contradict and embarrass his parents. If the dad is a designer at Coca-Cola, whenever there are guests in the house he enters the living room sipping a Pepsi, claiming that "burps are much better" and providing the proof to a stunned audience. After completing the technical school he does not go to the University or, even worse, he goes there and enrolls in Political Science. After 10 years of golden exile in Bora Bora, he decides to return home and deny the past, in suspicious coincidence with the non-arrival of dad's monthly international money order.

To give practical sense to this whole theory, we mention two famous sons of engineers:

> Brian May, guitarist of Queen. The son of an electronic engineer, he began his career playing an electric guitar built with the help of his father but, before finally launching himself into the world of music, he found time to graduate in astronomy at Imperial College London.
> James Cameron, director of Titanic, son of a naval engineer. A striking example of a person who has a bad relationship with his father's profession.

No sex we are ing. egneri
As a young man, the engineer has very clear ideas about the relationships he would like to have with women: many and complete. From theory to practice it passes, however, and often does not go beyond the oral relationship, in the sense that with a girl, at most, he can have a chat.

The approach of the young engineer to the opposite sex is made difficult by two interacting factors: the fame of a boring character and the spread of prosperity in our country.
To understand the effects of the first factor, just imagine the young man who, after months of preparations and after having attended an autogenic training course, finally decides to throw himself: incredible to say, she does not run away. They start talking, a few minutes of skirmishes, a few more or less conventional phrases and then, inevitable, the blow. "And what are you doing?" "Study". "Thing?". "engineering".

Here the real drama of the engineer is triggered. Any student of any other faculty, to the next question "And what exam are you preparing?" he will be able to use his personal experiences as a peacock wheel. "The romantic poets" will reply the man of letters, "Restoration of works of art" the architect will say, even an aspiring doctor will be able to throw "Anatomy. I do a paper on heart problems. ".

But the engineer? How can one even remotely hope to fascinate a woman by exposing one's knowledge on the subject of broaching machines, cast irons or hyperstatic trusses? To be able to make self-irony about an August spent designing a tapered roller bearing, you need a self-control and a self-confidence that no twenty-year-old in full hormonal storm (in engineers, distracted by studies, comes with a little of delay) will ever have.

The negative effect of widespread well-being is more subtle: the engineer is, historically, a good match.

Fifty years ago it could have been useful, at least for the purpose of marrying. Now that everyone is more or less well, its residual effect is to make the mothers like it, which is an automatic guarantee that the daughters do not like it.

Fortunately, as Woody Allen says, sex is a viable activity even without the participation of other forms of life. It should not be surprising then that the engineer, on average, is missing four diopters.

Time flies and all the more for the engineer, pressed by the awareness that, once placed in a working environment for men only, it will be very difficult to know the enhanced spouse. But the engineer is a tenacious type and, if he can't find a partner with traditional methods, he turns to newspaper ads, of which we report below an example (true): 48-year-old engineer, excellent presence. I am an outgoing man and full of interests. I like to read, dance and take long walks with a sweet and nice woman perhaps in front of a romantic sunset. Joking aside, I am a sentimentally free person and for this reason I would like to end my state of freedom by meeting a woman who can make me happy ».

Note the phrase "I'm an extroverted man full of interests" followed by "Joking aside

>: with all its flaws, the engineer is a man of integrity and cannot cheat even in love.
One way or another, however, the engineer will be able to find a wife (or husband) and have a couple of children with whom to lead a peaceful family life. Speaking of this "peaceful family life", it should be remembered that Landru (the Frenchman who killed ten women he promised marriage) was - need to say? - an engineer.

HOBBY
They are divided into two categories: the real ones and the imaginary ones, (designed for the sole purpose of giving a human aspect to the curriculum.At the bottom of a full page of "expert in systems for the optimization of the visual inspection of printed circuits" or "designer of piezoelectric sensors for structural control", the paragraph Hobby and Sport is experienced by the engineer as the moment of redemption , the last chance not to look like the loser he really is (or thinks he is).

And then, like all people in difficulty, he gets carried away and exaggerates: the sports indicated are never less than four and it is not just trivial stuff like football or tennis: they range from American football to archery, passing through the kilometer launched so much, how do they check?

Of course, one must then have the courage to answer: "In his youth" to an astonished chief of staff who, looking at the emboldened physique of the alleged superengineer, asks doubtfully: "World champion in snowboarding?".
The more sophisticated also insert some oriental discipline, such as tae kwon do or judo, to indicate a perfect combination of body and spirit. The parallelism with engineering, the union between technique and intellect, is immediate. It is clear that to build a skyscraper no one will be more suitable than a karateka and never mind if he has only taken 19 in Building Science.

And don't think that every engineer has only one curriculum on the contrary, hobbies are carefully invented according to the company whose door is knocking. Do you send your CV to a multinational that requires frequent travel? Hobbies: traveling, learning new languages, collecting model trains and planes. Are you looking for a job in the mechanical sector? "I love spending my free time doing odd jobs with the lathe."

The result is that if someone really took such a resume seriously, branded as an incurable fancazzista, the engineer would find a job only as a pierre in a nightclub or as an entertainer at Club Med.

But how does an engineer actually spend his free time? What are your real hobbies?
Meanwhile, if asked this question, the engineer responds on impulse: "I don't have any." This is because, unconsciously, he finds it difficult to consider programming in Visual Basic as a "hobby" (and how to blame his unconscious?).
So we need to be more subtle and change the question: "What do you do when you are not at work?". Even so, however, no meaningful answers are obtained this time, it is shame that blocks it. If you were able to place a hidden camera to peer in his spare time, however, you would find that the engineer spends his evenings drawing integrated circuits, writing Excel macros or designing a fake LED burglar alarm that deceives the thief. passage.

The invention that will change the world
This is the true dream of every engineer. And the word "dream" falls flat: generally it is precisely upon awakening from a long sleep that the engineer is convinced that he had the idea that it will change history. At that point he will take a leave of absence, shut himself up at home and come out two months later with the prototype of a cyber hand for video games that, connected to a joystick, exactly replicates the movements that his hand makes with a second joystick.

At that point, if the wife wants to get a divorce she will ask him: «But what is it for? If, on the other hand, he wants to impart a more moderate disappointment, he will say: «Nice. But I think the Japanese have already invented it ». If she still loves him as in the early days, she'll give him an herbal tea and put him to bed, whispering to him: «Brilliant. But I believe that the world is not ready yet ».

THE PRINTED PAPER
Among the readings of the engineer is the national newspaper, which he buys every day and never reads. The monthly in English, usually the "National Geographic" or "Science", also never read but which at least has the honor of being leafed through (the engineer looks at the pictures, as in "Mickey Mouse"). For fiction, the great classics, bought by the barrel of omnidic works, and some science fiction books. In this apparently normal picture, the attentive eye will be able to find evidence of the ingenuity of a master of the house. on the bedside table, amidst untouched copies of "Time Magazine" and "Scienza e Víta", a couple of specialist magazines such as "Lamiera" or "Saldature Moderne" peep out, with interesting articles on the biphasic switch market full of notes and underlining . On the shelves, between a Proust and an Asimov, we find The Concrete Handbook.

But the book par excellence is the Engineer's Manual, a complete work that contains the summa of world technological knowledge, a precious reference in his everyday life every evening, before going to sleep, a sfogliatina: like the Bible. Whatever the use of the engineer, the manual is always there, to give him a hand, to remember all the theory that underlies the solution of every practical problem.

For particularly complex problems, where even the Engineer's Manual can do nothing, our hero dusts off from the precious case in which he keeps the classic of the classics, the only book he has really read and loved in his life: the Young People's Manual Marmots.

THE SENSE OF HUMOR
A fact that may surprise those unfamiliar with them, engineers have a great sense of humor. Far from making them the focus of an evening, however, this "gift" further isolates them from the rest of the world.

Indeed, Fourier Series jokes are hilarious, but when only two other people in your city can understand them, a sense of humor is a poor gift.
And so, when at the end of the dinner the moment for jokes comes, the engineer becomes dark, withdrawing into himself, desperate for an understandable joke or, even worse, trying to adapt one to the cultural level of the diners. In both cases it is better to overlook the result. For the record, here is one of the funniest jokes ever told by an engineer. “There's a function party. Logarithm talks to x2, Cos (X) peeks into Sen's cleavage (x), x's Tangent takes care of his business. Everyone has a lot of fun, except ex, who is alone in a corner. Sen (x) approaches her and says: «Come on, don't stay there all alone, come and talk to us, integrated!». «Eh, it is anyway the same. ".
Note: Since there is nothing worse than explaining a joke, the author refuses to do so.

Jokes
Even more surprising, given the reputation of boringness that they bring with them, is that in the jokes about engineers they are attributed the role of the smart / funny, the one that was reserved for the Italian in the stories with English and French.
Of course, in these jokes the engineer goes around with a physicist and a computer scientist and it doesn't take long to soar in such a company, but the satisfaction of being considered good remains. By way of example:
An engineer, a physicist and a computer scientist take a trip by car. At one point the car crashes.
The engineer: «Earlier I heard a strange noise. In my opinion the alternator belt is broken, we should try to replace it ».
The physicist: "Hmmm, I think the engine has overheated, we should add water to the radiator."

The computer scientist: "Why don't we try to go out and back in?".
If, on the other hand, he tries to wander alone in the world of jokes, our hero does not make a very good impression:
During the French Revolution, among those condemned to the guillotine there is also an engineer. Before him, however, a nobleman and a friar must be executed.
The nobleman climbs to the gallows and the executioner asks him: "Do you want to be executed face down or facing the sky?".
“I am of royal blood! We never bow our heads! " and settles face up. The blade starts e. stonk! hangs a few inches from the neck. "Let this man go free!" Orders the officer who directs the executions.

It's up to the friar: "Do you want to be executed face down or towards the sky?" the executioner asks again. "I want to look at the sky, where Our Lord is" and he too puts himself face up. Again the blade snaps e. stonk! Once again it stops before the friar's neck.

Lastly, the Engineer goes up. Usual question to which the Engineer also answers «upwards».
The executioner is about to drop the cleaver. "Halt!" shouts the engineer. «Stop everyone, I found the fault! ".

PORTRAIT OF AN ENGINEER

The look
It is widely believed that the engineer does not pay much attention to his appearance and dresses according to only two principles: avoiding death by freezing and avoiding arrest for an offense to modesty. In reality, by analyzing more carefully the look of an engineer, one notices not a total absence of care and taste, but an attention to one's clothing "sloping", from top to bottom, which reflects the growing inattention with which the engineer examines himself in the mirror.

Normal hairstyle, clean-shaven, the glasses could even be Armani. The jacket is decent and the tie doesn't look too bad (indeed, by a fortuitous coincidence, one of the little ducks takes up the color of the jacket). The first chromatic discrepancies begin with the shirt. Worn trousers and belt, always the same regardless of what he wears on it, the engineer loses any residual interest in the "clothing" theme and thus comes to the final horror: socks, defying any law of probability, are never in the same color as the rest of the dress and sometimes not even between them.

The shoes
. well the shoes just have to be comfortable and warm in this regard it is just a last glimmer of self-control that prevents the engineer from showing up for work wearing moon-boots.

The conversation
Being a cultured and intelligent person, conversing with an engineer would be a pleasant experience, were it not for his mania of always wanting to explain everything to everyone. In fact, in the engineer's chromosomes the desire to improve humanity is clearly written. For this reason he is technologically incontinent.

Keeping his knowledge to himself seems to him an act of inconceivable selfishness and it is easy to find him intent on explaining the theoretical basis of nuclear fission to an astonished audience of little competent and even less interested aunts. The kind of topics addressed makes him an undisputed speaker: when he starts to explain the camshaft the audience is paralyzed for fear that a cough, a movement of the head or a glimmer of life in the expression could be mistaken for a a sign of interest and interpreted as an encouragement to move forward.

In short, the engineer is overcome by the fear that others may not understand, that they may misinterpret something. For this reason he explains each of his ideas, and after explaining them he re-explains them, trying to make it easier with the help of practical examples. What I mean is that an engineer, taken by the desire to make himself understood, loses some sight of reality and becomes incaponata in the explanation and re-explanation of concepts that are now very clear, interspersing the speech with a repetitajuvant every three sentences, and if someone does not stopped him he could also go on indefinitely, because according to him.

The curiosity
The engineer is a great curiosone. As usual, this characteristic of his is not aimed at everyday life: he does not care to know with whom the so-and-so or with whom he has quarreled. His curiosity is directed to the world of objects. He always tries to understand how things work.

As soon as he has a spare moment, he takes a device, takes it all apart and says, "Aah, that's how it worked."
Note the correct use of the past, given that nine times out of ten the piece will never go back to what it once was. The engineer is so absorbed in the magic of operation that, even when faced with a device he has never seen before, he does not ask himself: "What is it for?", But "How does it work?".
The direct consequence of this mental deformation is, at work, the production of very complicated contraptions that work perfectly but do not serve a sledgehammer.
Psychologists would have a good game in tracing the causes of this behavior: it all stems from a lie told as a child when, after irremediably breaking the radio, the budding engineer tells his father "I wanted to understand how it worked." The reaction of his father, who is moved and takes him as an example with his relatives, makes him understand that this is the right way: a new crazy dismantler has been born.

For the same reason, the engineer is easily recognizable when he takes the machine to the mechanic or calls the boiler technician, because he immediately stands behind him to see what he is doing, bombarding him with questions about the functioning of each single piece, trying to help him but , in fact, making his job even more complicated.

Love for novelty
Laughter abounds in the mouth of fools, you know. As proof of this saying, most inventions, even those that changed the world, have been greeted with skepticism and mockery.

Of the first trains, which "whizzed" at 25 km / h in the English countryside, it was said that they went too fast, while of the first cars it was said that they could never replace the horse. The general manager of the US Post Office called the idea of ​​electric lighting "completely idiotic", while his British colleague turned down the phone because there were already enough bellboys.
In short, engineers are used to clashing with the obtuseness of their financiers and they don't even pay attention to it anymore.
For them the problem is another. Like technological Cassandras, they see the future and enthusiastically embrace any novelty, as long as it contains at least 30 microchips and about eighty automatic functions. The tragedy is that, as precursors, they find themselves alone in a desert of scientifically primitive people and do not know with whom to share the joys of progress.

Think of the drama of those who bought the first television (certainly an engineer) and found himself staring at a screen with the wording "proof" for months, trying to convince his friends that he had made a good purchase. Or the situation in which Meucci, Bell and Popov found themselves, one Italian, one American and one Russian, each of whom claimed to have invented the telephone. Regardless of who had the idea first, it is certain that the three could only telephone each other ("Oh, the phone rings. Suspense. Will it be Bell or Popov?"), Not understanding anything of what they were saying and spending millions on intercontinental phone calls.

Nonetheless, the mere idea of ​​being able to say "I bought the first computer" sends engineers into awe and that is why, in the attics of their homes, it is easy to find heaps of very unused and expensive videophones, wide screen televisions and VCRs. betacam, all ideally united by the thought «Who knows why they weren't successful? They worked so well. ".

The indelible mark
For obscure reasons, a lot of people love to say the word engineer. Those who are, can rest assured that everyone will remind them over and over, making this appellation ring gaily every time they cross it. «Good evening Engineer! Good morning Engineer! They will never forget to specify the neighbor, the gas station attendant, the mechanic, the newsagent. while no one in the world would address a graduate in another scientific discipline with a cordial: "Good morning Physicist!" or «Good morning Mathematician! ".

And this despite the fact that the qualification of engineer does not correspond at all to a profession (engineers, notoriously, are able to do any job, because what matters is the "mental structure") but simply to a degree.

In short, for someone who was once called Andrea, Guido or Matteo, an "engineer" becomes a sort of indelible mark that will accompany him until his death, whether he does a real job as an engineer or is unemployed, retired or has completely changed profession ("I have to go and have a molar filled by my engineer").

For the use of engineers, we can try to identify the three main reasons for such behavior. A person will call you an engineer if:
> He does not remember your name (Typical example: the boss walking around the offices with an important client: "Meet. Uh. Our engineer").
> He's taking you for the *** (the neighbors, the day after enrolling at university: "So, how's our engineer?").
> He is trying to cheat you (the photographer who jumps on you as soon as you step out of the lecture hall, half a second after you graduate. "Engineer, do we want to take the memory of the thesis? It's only 250,000 lire for four photos, a real bargain »).

The engineer
If in the field of technology the environment of engineers is always at the forefront, in that of social relations it is difficult to keep up with the times. An excellent example is the condition of female engineers, in too many cases stuck in the pre-feminist period. To succeed, the female engineer must in fact struggle against a long list of stereotypes.

The ugliness
Here, objectively, there is little to fight: either you are beautiful or you are not. On the other hand, male engineers aren't really Adonis, so they should be quiet.

Power relations between men and women
The dream of many men is to recreate within engineering environments a situation similar to that of the TV variety: ugly and fat old men who command, flanked by silent hotties in thongs. For the male part, the result is achieved. As for women, although more and more, even pretty ones, are enrolling in engineering, it would seem more difficult to convince them to put on sequin panties and do a ballet before presenting their latest project.

Masculinity
It is a common feeling that engineering is a branch of science reserved for men, that only they may be interested in turbines, transistors and flow charts. Therefore, if a woman tries to deal with these subjects, she is immediately accused of masculinity. It is a blatantly unfounded prejudice it would be as if we said that men who like dance are all effeminate (er, maybe that's not a good example.).

Exams passed faster
Another petty insinuation, entirely without foundation. Indeed, more determination is required of girls, since when they ask for an interview the professor never looks them in the eye. Furthermore, to prepare for the exam and simulate real conditions, the engineers do the last review in the company of a bull dog: in fact, from a study conducted on the professors, it appears that when a girl is interrogated, the production of drool increases by 400%.

In short, a hard life for a woman and still long steps to go before being considered an equal. The proof is that there is not even an official term to define it: engineer? Engineer? Female engineer? Engineer?

Aerospace engineer
The engineer is a multifaceted figure, who takes care of a bit of everything. Here is a brief guide to navigating the intricacies of engineering, with a caveat: nine times out of ten the work actually done by an engineer has nothing to do with his degree.
An expert in rockets and turbines, he enrolled in Engineering after watching a thousand episodes of Star Trek and graduated with a thesis on the Space Halberd. It is thanks to him that Grendizer can transform itself into a missile rocket, with circuits of a thousand valves.

Environmental engineer
In theory, his task would be to remedy the ecological disasters combined by his chemical, mechanical, nuclear, etc. colleagues. In reality it differs from them because it studies and works in green painted environments and on the computer it has a screensaver with daisies.

Biomedical engineer
He works in the field of prosthetics, arousing giggles and laughter every time he confesses his profession.

Chemical engineer
And a bit of the "carabiniere" of Engineering. It is said of him that those who have difficulty with engineering studies change faculty. Those who just can't make it go back to engineering and enroll in chemistry.

Civil engineer
The one who builds houses, overpasses, bridges, etc. Due to a misunderstanding about the etymology of their specialization, civil engineers strive at every opportunity to be polite, to speak in a low voice, not to pick their noses.

Computer engineer
He built his life around the first principle of computer science:

"When something doesn't work, get out and back in." He also graduated like this: every time he was rejected? he left the classroom and returned immediately. It's pretty easy to get rid of him at a party. Just say, "Hey, the electrical system is broken," and bolt the door behind him as soon as he leaves the house.
He is the direct descendant of the electronic engineer (now outdated), who had built his life around the first principle of electronics: "When something doesn't work, hit the TV" (which the most fundamentalists applied literally, giving a hit on the TV even when the washing machine was out of order).

Management engineer
It is a very banal electro-chemical-civil-computer-mechanical "quasi-engineer" who, having passed three economics exams, believes that his first job will be that of Deputy General Manager at Fiat. After graduation, a hard awakening awaits him. At the Polytechnic when someone asks him "what are you doing?" "managerial !!", the inevitable follows: "ah, but then you don't do engineering."

Materials engineer
His best friend is not a man or a dog, but the periodic table of elements, which he enjoys mixing like a crazy disk jockey to obtain ever new and, above all, increasingly useful materials. To those who ask him why gold is precious he will answer «Because it is an excellent conductor». Among his greatest exploits we remember the use of lead for drinking water pipes and the creation of the very cancerous Eternit, (fortunately removed after a few decades from its introduction on the market) whose inventor is the winner of the competition «il most apt name in history ».

Mechanical engineer
He is a bit of an engineering handyman, he is the "historical memory of the Polytechnic" but he does not specialize in anything, even if he knows (or should know) to do a lot of things. He lives accompanied by the curse of always having to hear the same joke every time his car breaks down. "But why don't you fix it yourself?" Aren't you a mechanic? '

Naval engineer
One of the first engineering specializations in history. The inventor of the raft, the canoe, the submarine, the ocean liner and seasickness.

Nuclear engineer
«Sign up for engineering and you will have a guaranteed and interesting job. You will be sought after ». Tell that to those who graduated in nuclear engineering in 1986, a few months before the referendums which, in fact, buried the profession under a layer of concrete thicker than the one under which Chernobyl's No. 4 reactor is buried. Since then, the problem of nuclear power in Italy has been called the conversion of nuclear power plants, waste and nuclear engineers, whose professionalism is now in demand as a villa in Mururoa.

THE RIVALITIES
This tendency to poke his nose into all branches of knowledge has often caused friction with specialists in individual sectors: in ancient times there were problems with mathematicians and philosophers, then with alchemists, then with generals. Nowadays the management engineer contends for the roles of Top Manager to Bocconi economists and, with the invention of biomedics, he has even managed to slip into the operating room. But the most rooted rivalry, which continues even today, is that with architects.

Excellent arguments in favor of the latter is that they dress better, earn more and above all hang out in environments where many more women meet, a perennial cause of migration of engineers on their lunch break, who go to the architecture bar "because sandwiches are more good ".

On the other hand, if we go back in time to slip into myth, we see that Noah's Ark is undoubtedly a great success of naval engineering, while the Tower of Babel is a pathetic failure inspired by the arrogance of the architects, always defined as characters "not enough fags to be stylists, nor enough men to be engineers.".


Common dolphin: who he is and how he lives

WHO ARE THEY, WHERE THEY COME FROM
Dolphins are marine mammals belonging to the order of the Cetaceans: a family that also includes whales, fin whales and sperm whales. They all boast the same terrestrial ancestor, the Mesonix, a cross between a dog and a goat: a carnivore that adapted to the aquatic environment about 60 million years ago. Today there are more than 40 species of dolphins, which live in the seas, oceans and estuaries of rivers. In the sea of ​​our house, the Mediterranean, you can meet 9 different species: the common dolphin, bluish-black and with a white belly, the sociable striped dolphin, widespread especially in the Ligurian sea, the Bottlenose dolphin, which is the most "famous", for way of the bottle-shaped nose, the Grampo. Rarer, the Zifio and the large Pilot Whale. Very rare are the Pseudorca, the Steno, and the Grande Orca, which can exceed the length of 9 meters.

COMPANIONS AND "CHATS"!
Among the dolphins there are different habits: some species love to move and travel very long distances, others remain all their life in the same area. Some dolphins live in groups of hundreds of individuals, others alone, but communicate regularly with mates. One of the main characteristics of the dolphin, in fact, is the ability to produce sounds: whistles and creaks, which it uses as a real language and sounds called "clicks", which our friend uses to locate prey: the sound, projected forward, it bounces against obstacles returning towards the dolphin, which thus can recognize its surroundings.

MOTHER'S MILK AND GO SWIMMING!

In the water, the dolphin moves by pushing its tail up and down, while most fish move their tail and back horizontally to advance. But the power of the dolphin derives not only from its muscular capacity, but also from the aerodynamic shape, which allows it to swim with little resistance. In addition, it seems that this animal is able to modify the contours of its skin, almost rubbery, to eliminate turbulence when swimming. In addition, its skin has oily substances that lubricate its passage into the water. Finally, the method used by the mother dolphin to breastfeed is particular: she sprays the milk (milk, yes, because the dolphin lives in the water with its tail and fins, but it is not a fish: it is a mammal, like the cow or the man) directly into the puppy's mouth: the baby, who has no lips, would not be able to suck on his own.


WHERE TO FIND THE DOLPHIN ON THE NET


Dpcm, the government publishes the new faq: here are all the prohibitions, many exceptions

My spouse / partner and I live in different cities for business needs (or other reasons). Will it be possible for me or for him / her to reach him / her?
It will be possible only if the place chosen for reunification coincides with the one in which you have your residence, domicile or home, defined as in the previous FAQ.

Given the prohibition on moving between different Regions and Autonomous Provinces, if I work in one Region or Autonomous Province and I am a resident in another and my spouse / partner works in a third Region (or Autonomous Province), he / she can join me in my city residence?
In the case in question, the spouse / partner will be able to move to reach the former only if they have their residence or domicile in the municipality of destination or if in that municipality there is the house usually used by the couple.

Is it possible to return to the so-called "second home"? If so, are there any limits?

From January 16, 2021, the provisions in force allow you to "return" to your residence, domicile or home, without providing for any limitations with respect to the so-called "second homes". Also in this case Sicily differs from the rest of Italy. It is not allowed to reach the second house on the island with the exception of cases of extreme necessity that for example concern a malfunction such as a broken pipe or structural damage.

In the rest of Italy, however, it is possible to reach second homes, even in another Region or Autonomous Province (and also to or from the "orange" or "red" areas), only to those who can prove that they actually have entitled to go to the same property prior to the entry into force of the decree-law January 14, 2021, n. 2. This title, for obvious anti-avoidance reasons, must have a certain date (such as, for example, the date of a deed stipulated by the notary, or the date of registration of a private deed) prior to January 14, 2021. Therefore, all dividend rights after that date (including short leases not subject to registration). Of course, the house of destination must not be inhabited by people who do not belong to the family unit cohabiting with the entitled person, and only this unit can be brought there. The existence of all the indicated requirements can be proven with a copy of the entitlement title having a certain date (art. 2704 of the civil code) or, possibly, also with self-certification. The veracity of the self-certifications will be subject to subsequent checks and the falsity of what has been declared constitutes a crime.

Should travel be justified in any way? Is it necessary to produce a self-declaration?

You must always be able to demonstrate that the movement falls within those permitted, also by means of a self-declaration that can be made on pre-printed forms already supplied to the state police forces and local police forces. The truthfulness of the self-declarations will be subject to subsequent checks and the ascertained falsity of what has been declared constitutes a crime. The justification of the work reason can also be proven by showing, for example, adequate documentation provided by the employer (badges or similar) suitable to demonstrate the declared condition. It is also recalled that, pursuant to the dPCm, it is allowed to move to a single inhabited private house, within the municipal area, once a day, in a period of time between 5:00 and 22:00. , and within the limits of two additional persons with respect to those already living there, in addition to minors under the age of 14 over whom such persons exercise parental authority and disabled or non self-sufficient persons living together. For municipalities with a population not exceeding 5,000 inhabitants, the movements referred to in the previous period are allowed for a distance not exceeding 30 kilometers from the relative borders, with the exclusion in any case of movements to the provincial capitals.

Can I go to care for a dependent relative or friend?

Yes, it is a condition of necessity. In the case of elderly people or people already suffering from other diseases, however, remember that they are more vulnerable categories and therefore try to protect them from contact as much as possible.

I have relatives who are not self-sufficient who live at home alone, in another Municipality / Region / Autonomous Province, and to whom I periodically give assistance. Will I be able to continue to do so even with the current ban on moving between different regions and autonomous provinces? Will my spouse / partner and our children be able to come with me?

The movement to give assistance to non self-sufficient people is also allowed between Municipalities / Regions / Autonomous Provinces in different areas, where it is not possible to provide them with the necessary assistance through other subjects present in the same Municipality / Region / Autonomous Province.
However, it is not possible to move in numbers greater than the people strictly necessary to provide the necessary assistance: normally the need to provide assistance cannot justify the movement of more than one adult relative, possibly accompanied by minors or disabled people who usually already assists.

I am separated / divorced, can I visit my minor children also in another Region or Autonomous Province? Can I go abroad for the same reasons?

Yes, journeys to reach the minor children with the other parent or in any case with the foster parent, or to take them with you, are also allowed between Regions and between different areas.
These movements must in any case take place by choosing the shortest route and in compliance with all health requirements (people in quarantine, positive, immunosuppressed, etc.), as well as in the manner prescribed by the judge with the separation or divorce measures or, in the absence of such measures, as agreed between the parents.
In the case of travel to / from abroad, it is in any case necessary to consult the appropriate section on the website of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and International Cooperation for information on the specific health requirements relating to the country from which one comes or where one must bear.

Is it possible to move to accompany their children to their grandparents or to pick them up at the beginning or at the end of the working day?

It is possible but strongly not recommended, because the elderly are among the categories most exposed to COVID-19 contagion and must therefore avoid contact with other people as much as possible. Therefore, this movement is only allowed in case of extreme necessity, if both parents are unable to keep their children with them for reasons of force majeure. In this case, parents can accompany the children to their grandparents, along the route strictly necessary to reach them and go to the workplace, or to pick up the children on their return. Whenever possible, it is absolutely preferable that children stay at home with one of the two parents who take advantage of agile work arrangements or leave.

Is it allowed to travel to visit people in prison?

Traveling to visit people detained in prison is always prohibited, as it is not possible to believe that such movements are justified by reasons of necessity or health reasons. In such cases, the interviews can therefore only take place remotely, pursuant to art. 221, paragraph 10, of the d.l. 19 May 2020, n. 34, as replaced by the conversion law n. 77, which allows remote interviews through equipment and connections available to the prison and juvenile administration or by telephone correspondence, even beyond the limits established by the prison regulations.

Are trips allowed to visit people hospitalized in a detention facility with a hospital character?

Without prejudice to what is stated in the relative FAQ with reference to the possibility of travel to visit detainees, for those hospitalized in a detention facility of a hospital nature there is the further limitation that access to said hospital detention facilities by relatives of patients restricted therein is allowed only in the cases and with the methods identified by the health management of the structure itself, so it is necessary to inquire in advance with the Management to find out whether or not access is allowed and, if so, under what conditions.

Can anyone who is subjected to quarantine or isolation measures be moved?

No, there is an "absolute ban" to leave the house for those subjected to the measure of isolation, having tested positive for the virus, or the precautionary quarantine if it has been identified as a close contact in a COVID-19 case. In the latter case, it is allowed to go out, using a private vehicle, exclusively for the purpose of carrying out the diagnostic tests prescribed by the doctor, avoiding contact with other people and strictly observing all precautionary measures, including the obligation to wear a mask.

Are there any travel restrictions for those with respiratory infection symptoms and fever over 37.5?

Yes, subjects with symptoms of respiratory infection and fever (greater than 37.5 ° C) must contact their doctor and stay at their home, avoiding social contacts and also limiting as much as possible those with their cohabitants.

Can I shop in a different municipality from the one where I live?

Traveling to municipalities other than the one in which you live are prohibited, except for specific needs or requirements.
Shopping is always one of the justifications for travel. Therefore, where your Municipality does not have sales outlets or in the event that a Municipality adjacent to your own has an availability, even in terms of greater economic convenience, of points of sale necessary for your needs, the movement is allowed, within these limits, that must be self-certified.

Can you go out to buy goods other than food?

Yes, but only to purchase products falling within the categories expressly provided for by the Dpcm January 14, 2021, the list of which is available in attachment 23.

Can I move from my Municipality to lend my business?

Yes. Transfers that are connected to welfare activities carried out in the context of a voluntary association are allowed and can be motivated by citing the performance of the social voluntary service as a justification.

If I live in one municipality and work in another, can I go back and forth?

In these cases the move is justified for work needs, if it is not possible to work from home.

Can I go to church or other places of worship?

It is possible to reach the place of worship closest to home, meaning this movement as far as possible in the vicinity of one's home. In fact, access to places of worship is allowed, provided that gatherings are avoided and a distance of not less than one meter is ensured among the visitors. Places of worship can also be reached on the occasion of movements however permitted, that is those determined by proven work needs or necessities, and which are along the route already foreseen, so that, in the event of control by the forces of the order, you can show or make the self-declaration foreseen for the job or necessity shift. It is also allowed to participate in religious functions, within the limits and in compliance with specific protocols.

Is it possible to reach my partner if we live in different cities for business needs (or for other reasons)?

It will be possible only if the place chosen for reunification coincides with that in which you have your residence, domicile or home. In reality, however, the Dpcm does not specify the type of relationship required between two people to allow the move. The term partner, in the faq, is used as a synonym for spouse, therefore it does not seem foreseen the movement between two engaged couples who live in different regions and want to meet.

TAG: coronavirus, Dpcm, displacements


HOBBY

They are divided into two categories: the real ones and the imaginary ones, (designed for the sole purpose of giving a human aspect to the curriculum.

At the bottom of a full page of "expert in systems for the optimization of the visual inspection of printed circuits" or "designer of piezoelectric sensors for structural control", the paragraph Hobby and Sport is experienced by the engineer as the moment of redemption , the last chance not to look like the loser he really is (or thinks he is).

And then, like all people in difficulty, he gets carried away and exaggerates: the sports indicated are never less than four and it is not just trivial stuff like football or tennis: they range from American football to archery, passing through the kilometer launched so much, how do they check?

Of course, one must then have the courage to answer: "In his youth" to an astonished chief of staff who, looking at the emboldened physique of the alleged superengineer, asks doubtfully: "World champion in snowboarding?".

The more sophisticated also insert some oriental discipline, such as tae kwon do or judo, to indicate a perfect combination of body and spirit. The parallelism with engineering, a combination of technique and intellect, is immediate.

It is clear that no one will be more suitable to build a skyscraper than a karateka and never mind if he has only taken 19 in Building Science.

And don't think that every engineer has only one curriculum on the contrary, hobbies are carefully invented according to the company whose door is knocking. Do you send your CV to a multinational that requires frequent travel?

Hobbies: traveling, learning new languages, collecting model trains and planes. Are you looking for a job in the mechanical sector? "I love spending my free time doing odd jobs with the lathe."

The result is that if someone really took such a resume seriously, branded as an incurable fancazzista, the engineer would find a job only as a pierre in a nightclub or as an entertainer at Club Med.

But how does an engineer actually spend his free time? What are your real hobbies?

Meanwhile, if asked this question, the engineer responds on impulse: "I don't have any." This is because, unconsciously, he finds it difficult to consider programming in Visual Basic as a "hobby" (and how to blame his unconscious?).

So we need to be more subtle and change the question: "What do you do when you are not at work?".Even so, however, no meaningful answers are obtained this time, it is shame that blocks it. If you were able to place a hidden camera to peer in his spare time, however, you would find that the engineer spends his evenings drawing integrated circuits, writing Excel macros or designing a fake LED burglar alarm that deceives the thief. passage.

- The invention that will change the world

This is the true dream of every engineer. And the word "dream" falls flat: generally it is precisely upon awakening from a long sleep that the engineer is convinced that he had the idea that it will change history.

At that point he will take a leave of absence, shut himself up at home and come out two months later with the prototype of a cyber hand for video games that, connected to a joystick, exactly replicates the movements that his hand makes with a second joystick.

At that point, if the wife wants to get a divorce she will ask him: «But what is it for? If, on the other hand, he wants to impart a more moderate disappointment, he will say: «Nice. But I think the Japanese have already invented it. "

If she still loves him as in the early days, she'll give him an herbal tea and put him to bed, whispering to him: «Brilliant. But I believe that the world is not ready yet ».

- The printed paper

Among the readings by the engineer is the national newspaper, which he buys every day and never reads. The monthly in English, usually the "National Geographic" or "Science", also never read but which at least has the honor of being leafed through (the engineer looks at the figures, as in "Mickey Mouse"). For fiction, the great classics, bought by the barrel of omnidic works, and some science fiction books.

In this apparently normal picture, the attentive eye will be able to find evidence of the master of the house. on the bedside table, amidst untouched copies of "Time Magazine" and "Scienza e Víta", a couple of specialist magazines such as "Lamiera" or "Saldature Moderne" peep out, with interesting articles on the biphasic switch market full of notes and underlining .

On the shelves, between a Proust and an Asimov, we find The Concrete Handbook.

But the book par excellence is the Engineer's Manual, a complete work that contains the sum of world technological knowledge, a precious reference in his everyday life every night, before going to sleep, a puff: like the Bible.

Whatever the use of the engineer, the manual is always there, to give him a hand, to remember all the theory that underlies the solution of every practical problem.

For particularly complex problems, where even the Engineer's Manual can do nothing, our hero dusts off from the precious case in which he keeps the classic of the classics, the only book he has really read and loved in his life: the Young People's Manual Marmots.

- A sense of humor

A fact that may surprise those unfamiliar with them, engineers have a great sense of humor. Far from making them the focus of an evening, however, this "gift" further isolates them from the rest of the world.

The Fourier Series jokes, in fact, are hilarious, but when only two other people in your city are able to understand them, a sense of humor is a poor gift.

And so, when at the end of the dinner the moment for jokes comes, the engineer becomes dark, withdrawing into himself, desperately looking for an understandable joke or, even worse, trying to adapt one to the cultural level of the diners.

In both cases it is better to overlook the result.

For the record, here is one of the funniest jokes ever told by an engineer. "There is a celebration of functions. Logarithm talks to x2, Cos (X) peeks into Sen's cleavage (x), x's Tangent takes care of his business. Everyone has a lot of fun, except ex, who is alone in a corner. Sen (x) approaches her and says: «Come on, don't stay there all alone, come and talk to us, integrated!». «Eh, it's all the same ...».

Note: since there is nothing worse than explaining a joke, the author refuses to do so.

- Jokes

Even more surprising, given the reputation of boringness that they carry with them, is that in the jokes about engineers they are attributed the role of the smart / funny, the one that was reserved for the Italian in the stories with English and French.

Of course, in these jokes the engineer goes around with a physicist and a computer scientist and it doesn't take long to soar in such a company, but the satisfaction of being considered good remains. By way of example:

An engineer, a physicist and a computer scientist take a trip by car. At a certain point the car crashes.

The engineer: "Earlier I heard a strange noise. In my opinion the alternator belt is broken, we should try to replace it ".

The physicist: "Hmmm, I think the engine has overheated, we should add water to the radiator."

The computer scientist: "Why don't we try to leave and re-enter?".

If, on the other hand, he tries to wander alone in the world of jokes, our hero does not make a very good impression:

During the French Revolution, among those condemned to the guillotine there is also an engineer. Before him, however, a nobleman and a friar must be executed.

The nobleman climbs to the gallows and the executioner asks him: "Do you want to be executed face down or facing the sky?".

“I am of royal blood! We never bow our heads! " and settles face up. The blade starts and… stonk! hangs a few inches from the neck. "May this man go free! »Orders the officer who directs the executions.

It's up to the friar: "Do you want to be executed face down or towards the sky?" the executioner asks again. "I want to look at the sky, where Our Lord is" and he too puts himself face up. Again the blade clicks and… stonk! Once again it stops before the friar's neck.

Lastly, the Engineer goes up. Usual question to which the Engineer also answers "upward".
The executioner is about to lower the cleaver ... "Halt!" shouts the engineer. «Stop everyone, I found the fault! ".


Common dolphin

ITALIAN NAME: Common dolphin

SPECIES: Delphinus delphis

LENGTH: 1.5-2.6 m

DISTRIBUTION: All seas

PHYLUM: Chordates

CLASS: Mammals

ORDER: Cetaceans

FAMILY: Dolphins

KIND: Delphinus

The common dolphin is present in all seas, but prefers warm ones such as the Black Sea, the Mediterranean Sea and the Red Sea, or coastal waters. With a distinctly hydrodynamic shape, it has a blackish body with greenish shades in the upper part and whitish in the lower parts, while on the sides it has some broad yellowish-brown stripes. It has 160-200 conical teeth distributed over the entire rostrum. With its "somersaults" out of the water and its swimming skills (it can reach speeds of 35 or even 50 kilometers per hour), the dolphin has always fascinated sailors and travelers. Remarkably intelligent, he has a particularly voluminous and complex brain which gives him an exceptional learning ability. Not only that: it is also able to modulate a wide range of sounds, in short, to use a real articulated language. It is a sociable animal and lives in large groups that can even include thousands of units, in which adults help each other and teach young people. He loves expressions of affection and play, behaves in solidarity and expresses strong emotions towards his fellow men. It hunts in groups, and feeds on fish and cephalopods. Like all Odontocetes, it has a sophisticated echolocation system, a real "sonar", thanks to which it is able to orient itself and identify both obstacles and prey. After a gestation of 10 months, the females give birth to a young every year with which they establish a particularly intense bond. In tropical and temperate coastal waters it lives Delphinus capensis, which differs from the common dolphin by having a longer rostrum.


Video: DOLPHIN u0026 DOG SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP - Vangelis: Song Of The Seas


Previous Article

More milk from the first lactation - how to milk a goat correctly

Next Article

Sweet dried pear for the winter